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Guest Blogger: Kristin Ruther from ASPEN GROUP

You have dreams for your community, for your ministry.  Research tells you the divorce rate is abnormally high or the biggest demographic group will be 12 year-old kids or…another new need that your building is not equipped to manage.  The world has changed and the church’s ministry has changed since you built your facility.  Are we relevant you ask?  Or will ministry in this building die a slow death? 

Churches are distinctively designed to meet the human needs of friendliness, accessibility, functionality, along with a good measure of inspirational architecture.  Then please remember that the majority of people using the ministry space are volunteers.  Where do you start?

You thumb through your mail and happen upon a postcard for a building conference.  You wonder if you have time and if it will be of any value.  Have you ever heard of this group?  The graphics look nice.  The cost?  Well, if you learn just half of what they listed, it would be well worth the money.  After all, this building might cost millions of ministry dollars.   It will cost even more if it is wrong.  Cringe.  Conferences have a way of inspiring us, but will this help you make a decision? 

A friend from World Vision once told me,

To dream without action leads to regret.

Action without dreaming leads to boredom.

Good dose of dreaming with action leads to changing the world. 

We must find a good mix of both to be successful.   The CKN’s Alignment4 Conference shows you how.  Don’t just take our word for it; here are quotes from ministry leaders about their next steps following the conference:

• Setting a driving leadership in place to cast vision about the church’s future and help the congregation move toward it.  Roland Nightengale/Merrillville Christian Church
• Build a great communication team to tell our new story.  Dennis Starkey/Vineyard Church
• Putting together a “mission metaphor” – visioning change and growth.  Michelle Jenks/Grace Community Church
• Reviewing how we use our space and trying to figure out can get the most out of it.  Jacob Garcia/Impact Church

Click Here to sign up for less than $100. Come.  Be inspired and dream.  Take home tools to help you move forward.  And go change the world for Christ.

www.cornerstoneconferences.com

When it comes to the five key areas of my life, (life, family, marriage, work, and church) I want to be wise, and growing in wisdom.  I’ve learned there are two people I have to connect with and serve every day to be growing in wisdom; my beautiful wife Kristy, and my Savior.  If I’m connecting with one, it automatically connects me with the other.  Everything I do is directly impacted by these two relationships.  My connection to Kristy makes sure my prayers to God are heard.  Connecting to Him is the number one thing I can do to be successful in every area of my life.

With that in mind I thought I’d share a great question with you to ask your wife.  (ladies I’ll get to your question in a moment.)

Take her out on a date, somewhere different, and you plan the whole evening.  From baby sitters, to reservations, to a change of venue for desert, you plan it all.

At dinner, Ask a couple starter questions.  Here are some good ones courtesy of my friend and mentor John Woodall.

What are you thinking?

How are you feeling?

What do you want to do?

That should get you through dinner.  Memorize these questions and ask them often.

Now here’s the big question of the evening…

Ask her “When do you feel most loved by me?”

Now, for some guys, this is a risky question because you aren’t in the act of loving her very well.  Man up and ask the dang question anyway! (said with man love)  If you don’t somebody else might, then you’ll be asking a different set of questions. 

Take notes….literally take notes.  I didn’t the first time and I had to ask again because I forgot.  Sorry baby!!

When she tells you….do it.  This is radically simple.  Understand what makes her feel loved and do it!

Ladies this post is primarily for the guys but I think it’s important that you know that we’ll struggle with the answer to the question of “when do we feel most loved”.  If you want your guy to get his wheels turning ask him “when do you feel most respected by me”. Most women don’t know that about us.  We’d rather feel respect than love.  If you want a better understanding grab a copy of “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich.

“What’s your favorite thing to hear me say?” is a good follow up if you spouse has difficulty answering the other question.  

This should be a whole evening in the chewy caramel center of connection with your spouse.

TOUGH LOVIN – PASTORS ONLY

We know you aren’t perfect but we are looking to you for an example of how to live.  If you aren’t loving your wife well, and putting her ahead of you work, can you really be used to take us where God wants us to go?

Is it possible to be on purpose and neglect the person who has the most influence in your life!

Brian Cole – Catalyst Conference – Handles all things production for the conferences

Brad Scholle – Orange Conference Operations guru – Husband to the Amazing Jenn from Atlanta Mission.  (no shame promoting that orginization)

Reggie Goodin – CFO of Rethink and the Orange Confernce founded by Reggie Joiner

Mark Cole – Business Manager for The John C. Maxwell Company and Dr. Les Parrott (You gotta check his video channel on marriage relationships when you’re done here)

Yes I’m bragging.  I’m incredibly blessed to have this group of guys keeping me straight.  I grew up in a small town and for much of my early years I was the “slow kid”  now I’m the slow adult and God’s over compensating for me.

Here is my outline for my Personal Board meeting:

Life – Intimacy With God

• 9.5% Body Fat  – See Appendix A
• Connect Daily with the trinity

Family – Live Love

• 6 Life Memories in 2011 – See Appendix B

Marriage – Deep Emotional Connection

• 4 Overnight Dates With Kristy – 1 Completed (Cruise in June)
• 20 Dates – 4 Completed – need focus here

Work – Worship

• Make a significant investment in 12 churches – See Appendix C
• Write and Publish “Church Construction Quick Start Guide” – See Appendix D

Church – Serving

• Missional Community Weekends 1 down 2 to go
• High school Boys Small Group Leader – Begin May 1

Finance

• Goal of Giving 10% this year net income – Currently Up to date.  Wrote a 950 check last night
• Save 10% – Lord Help me
• Live on the rest

Opportunities

• Rest where I am while looking for ways I can be used

Threats

• Investing in churches unwilling to move

Appendix A

Body Fat Plan

• Paleo Diet for 30 Days
• Assessment at the end of 30 Days and then every 30 days until goal is reached
• Join Bodyplex with Todd before April 15^th
• Write down everything
• Update my wardrobe as a reward
• Date is Jun Goal e 30^th

Appendix B

6 Life Memories

• March 11^th Miss Com
• Project x
• DC trip with Jordan in the summer
• Camping trip

Appendix C

12 Churches

1. LFBC – In Process
2. Crosspoint – In Process
3. BMBC – On Hold
4. FSDA – In process
5. AC – In Process
6. HBC  – In Process
7. Tulsa Matt – To re-engage
8. SBC – Meeting Today
9. TBD
10. TBD
11. TBD
12. TBD

Appendix D

Quick Start Guide Schedule

• Outline with sub-headings completed by April 15^th
• Blog each Title and subtitles
• Publish by June 30^th
• Blog and Social Media Shock and Awe campaign beginning August 15th

To some of you this probably seems like overkill, and it may in fact be.  But I’ve walked with these guys for 8 years and much of what I am today I give them alot of credit for.   God moves me through them.

Who is moving you?

8 minutes 24 seconds after the starters gun went off I crossed the start line in a moderate walk.  If you’ve ever been to a nail bitter college football game that came down to the last second and then had to squeeze yourself out of the stadium because everyone stayed till the bitter end, you have a general sense of the number of people crossing the start line at one time.  A massive movement of humanity!

As I was injoying the odiferous immenation (who smells like that before the race even starts?) I began to wonder how the fine people at the US Road Sports and Entertaiment Group do it?  By “it” I mean, how do they get 18,000 people to move in the same direction toward a common goal that requires alot of suffering.  You suffer in preperation, in the event, and after the event in recovery.

These are some thoughts I had,  I’d love to hear yours as well.

Create an experience people can share – People bond through difficult situations

Raise the bar of expectation - Push people out past what they think is possible

Let it cost something – Financially, Emotionally, Spiritually, Physically

Benefit other people – This is obvious, but very prevelent at races.  Half the people in race had “Cause” T-shirts

Volunteering is participating – There were thousands of excited volunteers at the 1/2 Marathon.   I’m thankful to every one of them, especially the one I accidentally threw a cup of water on.

Pray for Japan – This has nothing to do with getting people moving, but it is the right thing to do.  Every person of Asian decent I saw had a “Pray For Japan” shirt on.  I made a point to pat them all on the back and pray for them.  You should too.

You can’t do it alone – Engage other organizations who want to serve.  Almost all the volunteers were part of other organizations who look for service opportunities.

Create the hype - ”Streakers” are the people who’ve run this race every year.  Being consistent is one of the keys to success for the race organizers.  Are you consistent?

Get off the sidelines - The most excited people I saw all day were the spectators.  Not sure this is a key to success, but it reminds me alot of our church culture.  It seems like there are very excited people sitting on sideline with a cup of coffee telling me pain is temporary.  Suffering is part of the journey. 

So what are your thoughts?  How do we get our people moving in the same direction?

Here are 3 Things that stink about lack of preparation

  1. WASTING YOUR POTENTIAL

The first half marathon I ran I finished in 1:57.  This one I came in at 2:16.  I have very real evidence that my potential is greater than my performance, you may not have the advantage of quatifying your potential like I did.  all the more reason to make sure you prepare.  

When I think about the churches I’m in, I see the construction of new facilities to be a great opportunity to get some of the people in the church to sit down and, maybe for the first time, organize thier finances so they can contribute financially to the project and be a part of what God is doing through the church.  As leaders in the church we’re responsible for the church reaching its potential during seasons like this.  You have to prepare by having a written plan of how you will engage the staffe, the influnecers, the volunteers, and the general congregation if you want to reach your potential.

2. THAT LITTLE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD

I saw a guy holding a posterboard that said “Pain is temporary”.  Right behind him there was a lady with a sign that read “But internet results last forever”.  The whole time I was running I found myself rehersing what I’m going to tell people when they ask what my finish time was.  Several of my close guy friends had planned to run the race and didn’t, and I was stressing over what I’m going to tell them.  They will ask ……but they don’t really care how fast or slow I am.  In fact, nobody cares!

That little voice in my head seems to be louder the less time I spend in prepartation.  Just like that little voice seems to wisper different things in my ear when I’m not connecting with God on a daily basis. 

Preperation for Church Construction takes on many differnt roles.  One of the most important is to have a clear understanding of exactly what God has called you to do in your community.  Every time that little voice pops up in a panic you can remind yourself, and your team that you are on a “mission from God” (Blues Brothers circa 1988).  Having a plan of how you will focus on Him when the tension rises is the best way to shut the little voice up.

3. PAIN & SUFFERING

About 2 hours after the race I could really begin to feel my39 year old body speaking to me (more of a speaking in tounges than that a wispering voice).  By last night I was rethinking my meeting schedule for today due to lack of ability to move.  You don’t always pay for lack of preparation in the moment. Sometimes it’s later, when it comes to building churches it can be several years down the road before you realize you weren’t properly prepaired. 

Not preparing for a race will cost me until the middle of the week maybe.  Not preparing your church for a season of church construction will cause you long term pain and suffering.  I spoke to a church last year that had to sell their facility and release the pastor because they built a building they couldn’t afford.   These are big, painful problems easily solved with a strategic preperation.

So that’s your three things, I learned alot more (funny how that happens when i don’t distract myself with and ipod) and I’ll share some of it down the road.  Before I let you go I want to add a fourth thing I learned as well.      

4. Sometimes the juice is with the squeeze

Sometimes you just have to go for it.  I’m no longer talking about building churches.  However, sometimes opportunities present themselves and you just have to say yes.  I bailed on this race 2 years ago becasue of a knee injury and I questioned it for a long time.  I knew that I wasn’t prepaired and yesterday would be a painful experince.  My beautiful, and wise bride Kristy kept asking me if this was “smart”.  I always said “nope, but I”m doing it anyway”.  Sometimes, even if you haven’t prepared properly, you have to keep promises you make to yourself because……. the juice is worth the squeeze. 

Tomorrow – Georgia Marathon Lesson 2

Tomorrow I’m going to talk about getting 18,000 people moving in the same direction while suffering for it.  Subscribe on the top left corner of my blog and have it come right to your inbox.

WHERE DOES IT HURT

This is an obvious question as it relates to ministry.  We tend to focus on the point of pain, but it’s also important to know that treating the symptom doesn’t always solve the problem. You’ve got to track the pain back to the source.  A church with financial issues often times thinks the “big donor” is the solution.  But debt is just a pain caused by a larger issue. That underlying issue has to be resolved or the pain will re-appear down the road.

WHEN DOES IT HURT

Me “Doc it hurts when I do this….”
Doc “Then don’t do that!!”

Me “Great freakin answer Doc”

Before we begin consulting with a church on facilities, we always spend a couple of days with people who lead each area of ministry for the church.  Each of these people can easily answer the question of “When does it hurt” for their area of ministry.  They are living  it every day.  As the organizational leader it can be easy to misunderstand or diminish the magnitude of “when it hurts”.  Take some time to intentionally involve yourself in the emotion of the challenges from their point of view.   Your key leaders are critical to solving the challenges your church faces, and they are critical to its continued growth.

HOW IT HURTS

How does the problem really hurt.  With my back, I’m having a hard time getting to the gym (harder than normal).  I can’t throw my daughter around like normal.  My wife is ready to snatch my spine out if it’ll help with the winning.
How do your problems really hurt the church?  If someone spends weeks, months, or years investing in their neighbor and finally gets them to come into your church, how does your “hurt” impact their desire to return?  What is the conversation they are having in the car driving away sound like?  That is the real cost of your pain. (BTW – I got the “driving away” question from Kerry Bural at Resonate or Die. Great question, thanks Kerry!)

WHY DOES IT HURT

Once you find the underlying source of the pain you can better understand the decisions or mindsets that contributed to the pain.   My most obvious answer to “why” my back hurts was deadlifts.  The real “why” however has more to do with years of sitting the wrong way looking at a computer screen, not taking other sports injuries seriously, and a general disregard for my back in general.

Understanding the real “why” is critical to solving the deepest challenges we have as church leaders and human beings in general.  Many churches spend years treating the symptoms and never striking at the heart of the problem.  Track your challenges back to decisions you’ve made.  Once you’ve done that look at those decisions and ask yourself “what was the underlying thought we used to make that decision?”.  Was it faith in an all powerful God, or was the decision based on some sort of fear.  Fear of negative ramifications or fear of missing out on something.

The Doc asked me all of these questions before he laid a hand on me.  He also did and x-ray which is sort of what you’re doing here.
There are always multiple solutions to any problem if we take the time to really look.   The trick is to find the one that offers the best fit for what you can afford.  What you can afford financially, from a time investment, and what you can afford to spend in influence with the people who follow you.

How does your church deal with pain?

“Then the King will say to those on his right, `Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. [35] For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, [36] I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ [37] “Then the righteous will answer him, `Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? [38] When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? [39] When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ [40] “The King will reply, `I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ [41] “Then he will say to those on his left, `Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. [42] For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, [43] I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’   

1. Make Jesus the end goal of all we do.

2.  We must be more concerned with the outsider than the insider.

3.  we must help people establish a new identity.

4. We must be patient with people as they develop spiritually.

5.  We must make it our mission to proclaim freedom in Christ.

Bryan Miles Guest Blogger

When it comes time for most churches to make a decision on buying something (e.g. software, a general contractor, web-designer, curriculum, architect, equipment, services, & etc) … the “decision maker” in the church usually filters their decision on mostly subjective criteria … in their head … such as:

1. the salesperson tells good stories
2. the salesperson shows good pictures
3. the salesperson is “cool” or “fun” to be around … they get me
4. the salesperson can equip me in other areas of my church/ministry

In my years of experience … this is what most church decision-makers truly filter their buying decision off of. Church leaders should help their staff learn how to be better buyers much like a savvy business does.

Here are 9 questions to answer  before you buy:

1. what does this cost?

2. What are the “hidden fees”?

3. Did the company research us before they came to meet us? How did they prepare for our time together?

4. Do we only work with the salesperson or other people from the company?

5. How (specifically) will our ministry grow if we use this service?

6. How does this company handle client/project management?

7. What kind of contract are we expected to sign? What are we legally obligated to?

8. What sort of customer/client experience will we receive?

9. Does this company work in our industry? Do they have relevant experience? How has this person/company helped other churches (case studies or examples)? Can we talk to the “bad” references? You get the picture.

The church (in general) needs an objective format for basing their buying decisions … and then, when they get ready to cast vision … they can stand up with confidence & say that they objectively vetted the vendor(s) for the right fit for their church. Vision-casting based on objective measures only adds to the “oomph” in the church staff and attendee minds.

If you have other ideas tied to what churches should objectively measure … please leave a comment. Of, if you would like to speak with us about your upcoming decision for your church and want to bounce some ideas off of me … please eMail me at bryan@milesadvisorygroup.com or check us out at www.milesadvisorygroup.com.