My Pastor Andy Stanley wrote a book called “The Best Question Ever” a few years back. If you haven’t read it you should give it a shot. I agree with Andrew (that’s what his close friends close friends call him, and we’re tight because I saw him speak at Catalyst last year) “The Best Question Ever” is “what’s the wise thing to do?”
When it comes to the five key areas of my life, (life, family, marriage, work, and church) I want to be wise, and growing in wisdom. I’ve learned there are two people I have to connect with and serve every day to be growing in wisdom; my beautiful wife Kristy, and my Savior. If I’m connecting with one, it automatically connects me with the other. Everything I do is directly impacted by these two relationships. My connection to Kristy makes sure my prayers to God are heard. Connecting to Him is the number one thing I can do to be successful in every area of my life.
With that in mind I thought I’d share a great question with you to ask your wife. (ladies I’ll get to your question in a moment.)
Take her out on a date, somewhere different, and you plan the whole evening. From baby sitters, to reservations, to a change of venue for desert, you plan it all.
At dinner, Ask a couple starter questions. Here are some good ones courtesy of my friend and mentor John Woodall.
What are you thinking?
How are you feeling?
What do you want to do?
That should get you through dinner. Memorize these questions and ask them often.
Now here’s the big question of the evening…
Ask her “When do you feel most loved by me?”
Now, for some guys, this is a risky question because you aren’t in the act of loving her very well. Man up and ask the dang question anyway! (said with man love) If you don’t somebody else might, then you’ll be asking a different set of questions.
Take notes….literally take notes. I didn’t the first time and I had to ask again because I forgot. Sorry baby!!
When she tells you….do it. This is radically simple. Understand what makes her feel loved and do it!
Ladies this post is primarily for the guys but I think it’s important that you know that we’ll struggle with the answer to the question of “when do we feel most loved”. If you want your guy to get his wheels turning ask him “when do you feel most respected by me”. Most women don’t know that about us. We’d rather feel respect than love. If you want a better understanding grab a copy of “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerich.
“What’s your favorite thing to hear me say?” is a good follow up if you spouse has difficulty answering the other question.
This should be a whole evening in the chewy caramel center of connection with your spouse.
TOUGH LOVIN – PASTORS ONLY
We know you aren’t perfect but we are looking to you for an example of how to live. If you aren’t loving your wife well, and putting her ahead of you work, can you really be used to take us where God wants us to go?
Is it possible to be on purpose and neglect the person who has the most influence in your life!
Just manned up and asked the question to my wife. Her answer – “When you spend time with me.” We may be making this too difficult. Sometimes the answer may be as simply as “time”. Thanks for the challenge.
Here are 2 more:
1) On a scale of 1 to 10, how well do you feel loved by me?
2) (Here’s the key question) How could I raise that by 2 points?